what happens at sea

“When your luxury cruise ship, featuring Las Vegas-style live entertainment, sinks in midocean, you find yourself adrift in a lifeboat with a tiger, a chimp, and a Herbalife salesman.  On the second day, the tiger and the chimp commit suicide.”

– Worst Things Happen At Sea

“…don’t engage me with smalltalk….”

“Had I known I can be such an ass, I would have warned you.  But before you dismiss me, listen me first.

“Yes, I am cruel. More cruel than you thought.  My mind is so quick to notice your mistakes, your inconsistencies, your dumb reasons.  And when I do, I laugh so hard at your own expense.  Sometimes, I even mock you and make you look like such an idiot you would crawl back in your own shell.  I may have looked at you with agreeable disposition but beware, behind those sweet-charming smile is a devious, uncanny and sardonic smirk.

“However, don’t despair.  You are oblivious to these things.  It is also to your advantage because you don’t have to feel the pain, the rejection.

“Don’t say that I don’t feel guilty because in truth, I do and I wallow in my shame.  I don’t really want to this to you but human as I am, I cannot help but be contemptuous at times.  Sometimes, I forgive your superficiality.  At other times, you’re too dumb to be taken seriously.

“‘How can you do this to me?’, you would say.  To be honest, I don’t know and I don’t care.  I may keep doing this but now at least you know and you can be on you guard.  Remember, don’t engage me with smalltalk.  It usually starts from there.”

The Call

By: Regina Spektor

The Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian OST

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
‘Til it was a battle cry
I’ll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything’s changing
Doesn’t mean it’s never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You’ll come back when it’s over
No need to say goodbye
You’ll come back when it’s over
No need to say goodbye

Now we’re back to the beginning
It’s just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can’t feel it too
Doesn’t mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
‘Til they’re before your eyes
You’ll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

You’ll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

a good story to tell

“…and there will always be someone interested in what you write. So, even if that someone did not exist, write for the pleasure of writing.

“As the pen traces out words on the paper, your anguish disappears and your happiness remains. For this to happen, it is necessary to have the courage to look deep inside yourself, disclose this to the outside world, and be even more courageous to know that one day whatever you write could (and should) be read by somebody.”

–The act of writing – the text (the end), Paulo Coelho

Chapter 1: Idealism

Idealists are doomed. Or so I thought. They imagine a world of heroic deeds, of goodness, of peace, of justice, of righteousness. Some are so absorbed in their own world that they forget how to live only to realize that they miss the essence of being alive. But how could one not be idealistic when almost everyone strives exactly the ideals?

If idealistic means to strive to live, to grow, to discover oneself, to experience the miracles of nature, to create lasting relationship with others, to embrace the spirituality of change, to find joy in simple and beautiful things, to have a deep and personal relationship with a higher being whom one believes created everything, to love, then I am one. And I strive to make a difference.

I question. I read books. I scan newspapers, magazines and what have you to find the answer. I consult the philosophers, the non-philosophers, the politicians, the religious, and even the ordinary people. Sometimes, I formulate ideas just so I could answer my own questions. Instead, it only produces more questions and it leaves me dumbfounded.

…where is the answer to so many questions?

I don’t know so I begin another journey…

And I journeyed. I took risks. I volunteered. I join the Jesuit Volunteers Philippines. Did I find the answers?

UPDATE: “Ideologies separate us.  Dreams and anguish bring us together.” - Eugene Ionesco

Prologue

Four years ago, I happen to walk on a beautiful journey. It was both liberating and painful, disheartening yet uplifting. It was the up and the down; the happy and the sad; the most miraculous moment of my life. I thought I would emerge unscathed and yet at the end I was full of scars and wounds. Nevertheless, lessons were learned and relationships were established. I never regretted trudging that journey. Thinking about it never fails to make me nostalgic. Ah, the memory of it all!

Note: This post (and the post to follow) is a reminiscence of that journey. Hopefully, I could vividly capture, through words, my experiences especially my feelings during that time.

Your Guardian Angel

by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can’t replace
And now that I’m strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I’ll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I’ll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you’re my, you’re my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don’t throw that away
Cuz I’m here for you
Please don’t walk away and
Please tell me you’ll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I’ll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

to wax…

Ah, when friends leave to find their niche in the greater scheme of things!

Wax is leaving for the US for her master’s study. How time flies so fast! One day, we were just trying to work our a** off to pass college, and now, we are trying to find and discover ourselves, our passions so that we will be able to pass life, doing what our hearts desire. It is both sad and joyful to see one’s friend leave - sad, because you will not be able to see and talk to them when you wanted to and yet glad to know that they are pursuing their dreams.

To Wax, let us celebrate life! Pursue our dreams wherever we may be carried. With all of my heart, I pray for your journey. Seek, enrich yourself, grow. And when you find yourself on a dead-end, just holler and we’ll help you find your way.

Have a comfortable trip! See you…

books, books and more books

Halfway through the first month of this year and I’m already preoccupied with books. Since New Year, I already acquired 7 books and I’m still wondering where do my money goes to? More so now since Powerbooks just recently opened their Cebu branch. I went there for the first time and these are what I’ve got:

• A Swiftly Tilting Planet by Madeleine L’Engle
• Many Waters by MadeleineL’Engle
• An Acceptable Time by Madeleine L’Engle

The books are part of the A Wrinkle In Time quintet story. I already have the first 2 books A Wrinkle In Time and A Wind In The Door.

The second trip to Powerbooks got me these:

• The Fires of Heaven (Book 5 of the Wheel of Time Series) by Robert Jordan
• The Solitaire Mystery by Jostein Gaarder

Aside from Powerbooks, I also frequent National Bookstore. The latest drop were these:

• Twisted 8 by Jessica Zafra
• Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

So far, I have finished the books by Madeleine L’Engle. I was so ecstatic when I find these in Powerbooks since I have been hunting these for quite sometime now. Right now, I am travelling with Hans Thomas as he, together with his father, journey to Athens to find her mother and on the way discovering the story of the ship-wrecked sailor, his 52 playing cards and the joker and the Rainbow Fizz.

Love in the Time of Cholera is already adapted to the big screen starring Javier Bardem, Giovanna Mezzogiorno, Benjamin Bratt among others.

********

Speaking of books, two of my beloved authors have recently passed away - Madeleine L’Engle and Robert Jordan. Their works speak so much of their life. Sad but we all have to go all along.

I Like For You To Be Still

by Pablo Neruda

I like for you to be still

It is as though you were absent

And you hear me from far away and my voice does not touch you

It seems as though your eyes have flown away

And it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth

As all things are filled with my soul

You emerged from the things filled with my soul

A butterfly of dream

And you are like the word - melancholy

I like for you to be still

And you seemed far away

It sounds as though you were lamenting

A butterfly cooing like a dove

And you hear me from far away and my voice does not reach you

Let me come to be still in your silence

And let me talk to you with your silence

That is bright as a lamp, simple as a ring

You are like the night with its stillness and constellations

Your silence is that of a star, as remote and candid

I like for you to be still

It is as though you were absent

Distant and full of sorrow so would die

One word, then, one smile is enough

And I’m happy, happy that it’s not true.